Feeling sick when i don't even know who is lying!! Tick tock tick tock.. Don't believe anyone, just believe yourself. Make sure never listen to one side. Be responsible of your very own stuff when u're living outside especially when you share one unit with some unknowns..

想生病。

我想生病。生病就像一场人生的思考，可以让人沉静。這樣可以让人更清醒地去认识自己﹐去检点自已，也希望能在迷迷糊糊的病態中沉睡﹐然後把那些不快樂的都变成了过往云烟。也许只是因为我想要一些关怀。 昨晚向你要求了那二十分鐘陪我聊天﹐因為你不肯所以我說讓你看完你的連續劇就直接去睡。我很傷心你竟然說我無理取鬧不肯多等你二十分鐘﹐不讓你有自己的私人時間﹐不顧你的感受﹐最後還把電話給蓋了。我哭了好久好久。你不要一直把我弄哭然後又不讓我哭好嗎。那你又有試過了解我的心情嗎。真的有嗎。我只是不想等到兩點半去。我很討厭自己就是不夠你罵﹐每次都是罵輸。我是女孩子叻﹐男生不都應該讓女生嗎。剛剛我好好的跟你說我需要想一想﹐你就不能讓我想想嗎。一直問我要想什麼﹐最後還是把罵成是我的錯。以前那個很好很好的人好像已經迷路在森林﹐再也找不回了。好像已經不比以往那樣珍惜我﹐一直要我背上所有的錯誤。幾時開始你已經沒再認錯﹐沒再認真的道歉過。你的現在的道歉好像都不像以前的那種懇求得到原諒的道歉。你的朋友都說是你把我給寵壞了﹐是你的朋友比較了解我還是你?你都開始不寵我﹐一直說我在你的心刮了很多橫疤。我現在很想很想生病。

Received something that can only caused me respondless.

The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive my heart. It depends upon my honesty for its survival, that y i wanna say that, "my heart have gr8 reasons dat reasons does not really understand how much i feel about you.... Can't stop thinking of you angel!!...

I received above text message from a guy, we just know each other recently. I seriously don't know what to feel about it. Hope you're okay now.

The sour feeling is burning my stomach.

Perhaps, it is true that everyone has their very own fated destination. Sometimes i would still envious of some life which had perfectly well planned by the god. At times, i dislike what is going on with myself, the life. Always wish that i could one day change it and be like one of those kind, the beautiful ones. When comes to comparison with the poor ones, i know i should be glad that i am way better compared to those poor ones. But i am too weak to convince my heart to not jealous of them, though i knew it very much that there is no point at all. It is just a way to be optimistic about fate, isn't it. I never stop dreaming of getting the bigger the better, like whomsoever i had admired how nice is their life. At this point, it leads me to greed more and become more selfish. It is hard for me, but i have left no choice but to study them and eventually hopefully i can accept them. Appreciate is easy, but greed is stronger, more evil.

Mixed feelings.

Urgh.. 3 more days, Utar is waiting for me. How should i feel at this moment? Mixed feelings, seriously. Thinking back my sem 1 and sem 2, if it is not assignments and tutorials i should be dead long ago. Bunch of guy friends. Ping Pong during break time, what a life!! Canteen food was sucks. No leng lui and leng cai for me to peep on.

Chicken Chop rice.

But one thing i really missing it right now is the chicken chop rice which was recommended by my sister at one of the hawker stalls nearby TBR. Yummilicious. Best ever food i had in setapak. LOL. maybe setapak doesn't bad as i described, i should have explore more.. hmmph.

Well, there is another i am worrying right now. The place that i currently rented has thief!! Gosh. and the suspected one is my housemate(Main tenant's roommate). First, my money was stolen by unknown, i found it out when i was going to pay for my food at school. Then i thought maybe i have misplaced it. Months later, i got to know that another housemate also lost her money. And the money was kept inside her drawer in her room without the lock. Her room is linked to the master bedroom through the shared washroom and has no lock. Which means they can excess to each other rooms. Then last week i received a call from the housemate, said that another housemate encountered the same problem. Another RM150 is gone. And this afternoon they called me again and told me that they lost both their laptop's battery. Eventually they fought with the main tenant and the roommate over the incidents. They obviously denied it strongly and said that "we are so rich and why would we wanna take your money, perhaps you guys are the thieves and simply blame us for that." That sounds a little stupid though. As they updated me again, i got to know that they are moving out of the house by end of this month. So they are now temporarily staying at friend's house while looking for a new place with better facilities. In another words, they didn't plan anything for me and my roommate. Much to my disappointment, they were just assume that we have our own friends to help us out. Urghh, so selfish.

So now u get me what is the mixed feelings.

Happy New Year to ya!

My holidays started about a month ago and now it is almost reaching to the end as next week will be the beginning of my semester 3. It was really low stress and high on joys. All of that happenings special thanks to all my dear friends and beloved ones. The school work is done, the days are picked up, the meals are planned and I'm open to whatever adventures i dream up. So there it is. Everything.

I watched the movies. Enjoyed the nice food. Been to Gathering as much as i can to meet up with my old friends before the uni restarts and i got grounded at Setapak. One thing i love the most is travel to places randomly because my camera was excited, and we were exploring towards great places and inspiration just hit me right on the mood. LOL

Handmade x'mas cookies

As for Christmas, i finally open up the dusty oven and do the baking after a very long pause. And i did some handcraft too for the X'mas presents exchange. Some of you might wonder, why do we need to do things only on that particular day or going out for a fancy dinner and jostle each other in the crowd. Because this is the big day and so we must enjoy it. It is worth celebrating with every good thing we have can. This is life, and life never bored with all these.

Randomly drove down to Malacca.

More importantly it was part of the plan, the holidays plan.

And finally the year of 2009 is ended. Of all the passed 20 years, it was the greatest year. So many first-time-encounters. As i came across a blog of my friend, she made me realized lots of great things that i did in the year of 2009.

On 1st Jan 2009, i was with her sitting down on a little hill nearby to her place. No fancy party but just two lost kids desperately hoping for fireworks from everywhere. Simple yet i had so much fun! But the fireworks were like tiny little drop of popcorns. Kesian, at the end i had to like photoshop our photos by download some fireworks. Then i earned the biggest amount of income in four months time(12k). I learned to go clubbing. I bought most dresses and cosmetics. Bought myself a laptop, a Dslr 1000d. First time study in a university and partially moved out of my house and pay for my own rental. And first time someone asked me to become his girlfriend, first time accepted the boy after the encouragement. And also first time, someone (not the boyfriend) confessed to me in person. Sorry for him, i was left to say thank you politely to him only. I don't really believe in fall in love at first sight though. I guess he was about to read a poem to me. LOL The most restaurants i dine in were japanese restaurants. Eventually i had all the free movies, pity the boy had to pay for all my bill. But he used to tell me it's all worth it so I am happy too. Not because of the bill, but everything! Nevertheless, the last day of 2009 i spent it at a little hill also. But this time with the crowd, and the fireworks were awesome. 75% romantic. Stand by the roadside and admire how the fireworks being spilled out of the lighted up little town below the hill.

Langkawi Oct '09

Eton Mess. Best dessert of the year!!

All in all, it's pretty busy, pretty full, and there's lots of wiggle in life..

I hope that I can pass on some of the love and the joy that was so richly poured out on me. Maybe for some of you may think that those are just normal little things, but i find them pretty interesting because i always take little things special.

Wishing a better year ahead. Much of love!!

xoxo

Now i am dreaming our dreams.