Will you ever miss me?

Recently, emotions overwhelmed me. I tend to caught in a deep thought so easily when i am stuck at home alone. Not exactly my home, i have been hiding out myself these days in my currently rented condominium. Partly due to i have been slave to my books for the finals which is just lying around the corner.

After came across with some blogs and some statuses people posting at facebook, i just realized i have really miss my high school friends so much. And now it hits me, I wonder if someone ever miss me out there? Frowning..

I'm suffering of remorse after keeping broken contacts with them. I should have said hello once in awhile to tell them that i miss them. Speaking of reality, if i ever did that i'm afraid of the respond that i will be getting. Saddest part is, they might be thinking if i was forwarding a text to a wrong person. Or in worse case, getting no replies. Maybe because i'm not even worth that 10cents of text.

Uni stuff had piled up like endless stories. Perhaps it is the only reason we ended up into individual life like now. Even though i had attended as much as possible meet ups i could, but i think it's just not enough. The bonding between us are not that real anymore. Because we never share a thing anymore beside than casual greetings. I wish we will share all the stories ever again, just like how we did last time.

Not trying to seek for any attentions but i crave for cares, indeed.

As they come and go.

Friends come and go in life. Just a couple of months ago, another of them leaved.

There were three of us, being observed as good friends to others. We always spent time together during classes, though we don't share much about our personal stories but we get along quite well, at least we never fight. Maybe it is because we did not share much and things started to evolve as the underlying strangeness creep in. It will never be worked out, i tried to save the whole matter but it was a bit too late. The calm water is now full of ripples, both of them realized they have so much in conflicts. Therefore, our friendships went crashed to the hard ground and die into nothing. I was very very pissed and disappointed at a point, to be ditched by someone. It grew loathing in me.

I believe every man will eventually go through a time to change for a greater good. I hope you would learn to be a better man in your newly found-oh-so-comfortable-zone with your mate. Man with mature thinking seems lesser nowadays, i wonder where are they exactly hiding at.

I am glad that another one stayed with me, we begun to share a little more than ever. After all, i think friendships should share their feelings with each other, in order to keep the momentum to goes on. As time passes on, i begin to think that life is too short to angry over someone. Moreover, to hate someone is weary.

Whenever you request for a help i will still lend my hand, because we were friends.

What used to be good.

Every time when I'm sad or angry, I can hardly utter a word because words are hiding inside the glands of my brain. I know what is it supposed to speak but I keep it quiet instead. It feels like I had split into a few me and start speaking among myself.

I feel sad when i realized we do not share a single mutual interest. I'm dread to think if things get worse till that day came. The day when we pass by each other without saying hello. The day when my heart had crushed into a million pieces. The flames of anger blinded yourself, every single word you deliver is hurtful. My tears were helpless and i hope you could kiss them dry.

I think to myself what used to be good, then I printed a last kiss on your chest to replace the word sorry.

If you think that life is bad..

How would you like to be an egg?

You only get to be laid once.

You only get eaten once.

It takes 4 minutes to get hard.

Only 2 minutes to get soft...

You share your box with 5 other guys.

But worse of all..

The only chick that ever sat on your
face is your Mother!

So cheer up! Your life isn't so bad.




This made my day~ nights!

Notice my smile when i slide my fingers into yours.

Despite of all the fights we had, we are still together. The wheel of time had forward so fast before i could notice, and now it brought us to the 15th month. All the moments when we kissed and hugged each other, so real like the air i breath in every day, the feelings are just beyond descriptive words.

That night as i stared upon your sleeping face, i shed. Of all the love you richly poured on me, how much have i returned? Things that i hunger from you are getting stronger as i commit myself to this affair. I laughed myself for trying to change you into someone that i desired. It took me long before i realized to change own self is hard, let alone others. I felt guilty over my selfishness and the pain i gave you.

Life is now giving a hard lesson to me, a lesson for understanding myself. It is rather hard to distinguish myself because in the midst of my pondering mind, i had lost my direction. There are several characters inside that constantly transforming from one into another. It comes to my fear that no longer do i know what I want, I'd stuck in the definition of perfection and imperfection. My dreams, should they be given up and be introduced to reality? Or i shall shake off all my doubts in head and just go with the flow as time marches on, to tell myself it's perfect. But, the urge of wanting more and stepping to wondrous land are kept pushing my mind goes astray. I am afraid, afraid that time would ruin everything that had built.

Like any other girls, I like sweet sucking words, cute little texts in the morning, heart throbbing and heart trashing surprises anytime. I crave because i want it from you. No one else, but you.

An old song i haven't heard in awhile.

People once told me, time heals wound, but guess my wound took unusual long enough to heal. Listening to an old song, i indulged myself with the voyage of seeking for something..

I tried not to wander back. I let my life run faster so that time could wash away the darkest, unwanted part of my memories. But sometimes, things that i encountered remind me of everything. Once, i had convinced myself to let go but unconscious moment hits me and emotions begin to strike as i watched my past flows by. I am so confused why this part of my unwanted memory kept appearing. I could not comprehend why do i still feel sad, the invisible sadness that lie so deep inside my soul as if it has almost vanished away, yet the shadows can be seen at times.

It must be the scar that were once the pains, it does not fade with time but like echoes chasing me so close, whispering into my ears, trying to remind me of something, something that i tried to run away so far from it awhile ago.

In times of heartache, it came to my realization that i wanted to immortalize things in my thoughts. Perfectly sealed it and locked it at the darkest, deepest corner of my heart. I wanted to meet someone in future, whom is so closely that could replaces that empty space. But, is that possible? Do i really have the fate?

Unknowingly, my thoughts run too wildly till another morning came by. The sun beam pierces through the curtain, i'm dread to think any further because i knew very well that jealousy is killing me little by little.

Beneath the rain...

雨天
好冷
哪儿有拥抱买?

人总是很傻
明明知道不可能的事
却越满怀希望
结果失望

失望
就像从高空下坠
一碰地面就碎成粉沙

女生为何爱口是心非?
明明很想却装出一副一无其事的样子
最后还不是恨自己

还是快把那个thermo读完， 然后大睡一场
也许不开心的都能忘记。