I know I am not hated, but i wish i were loved.

One of these days, I was seeking a way out of the darkest time in my life, but no matter how much i tried and I never gonna make it. It's like an overabundance of pathway choices in a maze, i chose and i choose, every decision i made has often been a little too frivolous. Apparently my life has come up with unplanned outings, trying to be an outgoing person but it has always ended up with all my ridiculous extravagant days. Worst when it comes to the hardest part, that i had to cope with reality when all these temporary contentment are vanished into thin air.

There is saying -being willing to take the first steps in faith could leads to marvelous heights. Ironically, most of my first steps tumble into a bottomless pit. Greatly, i give out love as much as i can to people around me and i wonder how many of them are actually returned? Sometimes i just secretly wish that random people i meet, they will like me and stay with me and being a long-term-friend. I'm frustrated enough for some of them that can never stop judging. Maybe because I'm not looking interesting enough and soon people forget my present. Some are always telling me to be confident, but i was often dumbfounded by the apparent gap between what is said, what was meant and what was unsaid. Though I aware these ironies in man communication, but i still make the mistake of interpreting things too literally.

For times, i feel like i'm living in my ordinary life all alone, I shed beneath my smiling mask in the dark and truly wish for a lost track of time, so that i would stop counting down on my dull days before i ever busied and indulged myself with all the extravagances again until i finally broke.